At The Crossroads

Hey there! 

So I've been having some problems with setting up the slideshow and I haven't had time to finish the pages and banner (and reply to comments) because I haven't been at home much during the weekend (and when I was at home, I'd be sleeping like a cat). I'm so sorry you have to endure the blank boring page that is my blog. 

I'm so tired these days, I'm grateful for any chance I have to relax and read a good book. Anyway, I got a haircut last week! The salon was fully booked when I went there on the night of the 31st of March (Cause GST implementation, ya know?) I bought two haircutting scissors (thinning and normal one) in Daiso to snip my hair all off, but my mum completely freaked when she found out. "You CRAZY? Want to go bald, is it?" Yup, so I went back to the salon the next day and spent RMXX to cut my hair. 

What it looks like:

(I can't believe it only took me 10 minutes to put on my eyeliner in the After photo. It usually takes HOURS. Well, almost) 
It's not that drastic or super short, but it did shock a lot of my friends. Especially those who have never seen me with shorter hair before. Most of them thought it suits me better than long hair ever did, but some of them were like "WHHYYYY? Your hurrrrr. All goneeeee." 

 I think the stylist snipped off about 5-6 inches. I didn't specify how much hair I wanted to cut off, I just told him to cut slightly below my shoulders. Initially wanted an A-line bob or asymmetrical haircut, but it would have been difficult to manage while I'm working since I always tie my hair back :l 

I don't miss having long hair as much as I thought I would. I've had long hair since I let it grow out after I was 15. It's fun to style, but it can be such a pain to deal with when my hair is so long and thick. It will grow back eventually. Probably quite soon, since my hair grows like weed. 

Making Decisions When It Comes To Furthering Studies... has always been something I struggled with. I feel like I'm at the crossroads and Janus is telling me to choose a path. Once I choose, there will be no turning back. No rewriting of my life history. 

The biggest issue I face is having too many interests and avenues which I can pursue. Unlike most people who have a definite idea of what to study and who they want to become in the future, I can't be certain who I'm supposed to be. My fatal flaw? Indecision. I simply can't make up my mind. My mum doesn't make it any more easier for me, when she suggest I pursue something like Business/Marketing/Mass Comm which I have no interest in. 

I'm tired of having to question myself constantly. 
It's an internal struggle which I can't resolve. 
Yes, I like creative writing and writing about my opinion. 
No, I don't like writing about business/politics and current news. 
Yes, I like graphic communication design. 
No, I'm not a 100% positive that I'll be exceptionally good at it. Probably somewhere between average and "Ehhh, that's not bad!" 
Yes, I am considering a career in the beauty industry. 
No, I'm not sure if it's right for me even though I enjoy it. 

If I could, I would get a degree/diploma in GCD or in English and a diploma in makeup artistry or/and hairstyling. 

That way, I won't be left wondering "What if?" if I choose one or the other. If I had to choose..I'll probably choose cosmetology school because I'm certain that my makeup/hairstyling skills can be improved tremendously while my drawing/painting skills leaves much to be desired for. (Not as good as I would want it to be)

I know I want to do something artistic. Preferably not a desk job. (I have a desk job now. Although it's easy, my mind can't handle sitting still for hours on end and I feel restless) I need to keep my mind occupied, or I won't be able to stay focused. 

While it's liberating to have so many options to choose from (I'm really glad women have rights now), it makes it so much harder to choose a particular course. 

I want to have a normal university life, but I also want to go to cosmetology school which I think has a completely different atmosphere entirely. I've talked to consultants in the design school, I plan to consult those in the beauty industry as well. 

Something which frustrates me is the social stigma surrounding makeup artists and hairstylists. Well, I can't say much about other countries, but in Malaysia..Some of the aunties here like to say "Going into the beauty industry, doing makeup and for stupid people." Umm, excuse me? You obviously have never gotten an excellent hairstyle or amazing makeup service before, if you say crap like that. 

I've had someone tell me that it's for people who drop out of school or failed miserably in their studies, so they have 'no choice' but to do it. What kind of fucking mentality is that? I despise it when people look down on those who do 'mediocre' (according to them) jobs like being a garbageman or factory worker. Without them, who is going to pick up the pile of trash at the back of your house? Who is going to do all the tasks which you deem unimportant? 

That garbageman you scorn picks up trash, puts up with judgmental people like you who looks down on him and does his best to earn living so he can feed his family and clothe them. He doesn't give a shit what you think of him. What if you were in his shoes? How would you feel if an ignorant asshat spat on you when he walked by? Empathy and humility. If you don't have that, you just may be a narcissistic, superlicious person. But hey, I'm not judging you. 

Your education or job doesn't define who you are. Your character, personality and the way you see others certainly does. 

Would you rather be a inept doctor/engineer or be a successful (or at least good) makeup artist? Follow your heart. Do what you're good at, regardless of what others may think. If you force yourself to study neurosciences when you have no interest or ability to understand it, you'll be wasting time, effort and money on something you know you can't be good at. 

I get angry when people say "Don't study cosmetology. You're smart enough to do something better." Please, do enlighten me on what it is that is 'better'. FYI, cosmetology courses require considerable technical skills, creativity, passion and an ability to relate to what people want then create it. 

Makeup/Hairstyling is a form of self expression through artistic skill. It helps people feel better about the way they look. It's not an insecurity blanket or something redundant. Don't forget, FX makeup. One of the coolest forms of makeup artistry. 

If you want to tell me how stupid cosmetology is, please go and spend 12 months trying to get a cosmetology license and pass the state board exam before doing so. Maybe I'll listen to you then. 

I'm sorry for the rant, but I just couldn't take it anymore. 

Well, till next time!

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Maine Lyn. Chinese Malaysian. Aspiring writer, photographer and videographer.