A Simple Hello Changes Everything

(Right: My ridiculous scrunched up mouth and Nay looking like she's planning something diabolical)

I haven't really mentioned my feelings about studying in university. To be completely honest, I've had bouts of feeling insecure, stupid, anxious, depressed for a long time. (Unrelated to uni life) I feel like I've completely lost sight of who I am (which I ironically wrote an article about how to overcome, lol) and how to interact with people. 

I had to miss class yesterday to retake my driving exam (after one year..things are very different. I'm just glad I passed my road test on first try). I was expecting to have to wait a long time before finishing but surprisingly, I was the second to start. The girl next to me, Raz went first. There's this ridiculous part where you need to check every single part of the car and loudly announce while you're doing it. Example: "Bumper hadapan ketat dan tidak bergoyang.", "Cermin sisi kiri dan kanan tiada kesan retak atau calar." All in all, 22 (or more) things to remember. Like what the heck? Isn't it a distraction from having to actually drive in the circuit?

The examiner (lol) didn't really seem to care. He told me (and Raz) to just check under the hood and in the boot. (Unintentionally rhyming) I memorized everything with an Axia but had to do it with a Kancil. Since Raz went first, I just copied everything she said when it was my turn. HAHA. Only a handful of unlucky people had to check the entire car.

Once we were done, we had to wait at the pondok next to the bukit to start. It took a while (say, half an hour to a full hour) so I started chatting with Raz and Chaer Wen. Found out the CW goes to Taylor's as well :D 


Plan to hang out with CW and Raz someday. I find the circumstances of how we met strange. There was another girl (or two) sitting behind us who were also from Taylor's. (Guess a lot of us ponteng class that day...) 

At the three point turn, the examiner used me as an example to demonstrate how to do it to the guy who was there before me who made a mistake and failed. I was thinking "oh shit, oh shit. Don't screw up this time." The whole time. I'm extremely relieved that I didn't. The S turn and Z crossing was weird. Mainly because no one was even watching to see if anyone messed up. I guess you'll only get caught if you make a really obvious mistake. Or maybe those were just for fun and you don't really have to pass. HAHA. I parked back at the bukit and went to collect my documents, Still can't believe that I managed to pass the first time this year., lol. I was really paranoid about failing this one time because for me, it meant having to retake everything (Undang, L license, road test, circuit test) again and I thought "F that sheet. I rather not." I saw CW and Raz after, did a group hug and promised to stay in touch when we had to leave. Had to wait at the office afterwards for my dad, so I talked to a girl who was waiting next to me till he arrived. 

The exam now, despite having more crap in it; (Checking the entire vehicle felt more like a BM test where you have to memorize a bunch of redundant sentences) is comparatively easier than last year's. I feel miffed now, because my driving instructor keep pressuring us to finish our exam before *date* because it'll be harder this year. The reason for it being easier would be the fact that they changed the steps to do a three point turn. I mean it's still the hardest of the lot, but it's no longer near impossible for noobs like me to pass. The S and the Z were actually my favorite because I never once screwed up there. I still have a bunch of my driving exam notes, if anyone wants them, just ask :) It's just detailing every step to take and other important details.

I'm extremely relieved that this is over. It's been haunting me for almost a year. My stress levels were sky high, now it feels like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I'm also glad that I chose to change my driving instructor. My ex-DI was unintentionally pushing me into a breakdown and keep making me feel insecure about being shitty at driving. I think my heightened anxiety and lack of confidence contributed to me making a lot of silly mistakes as well. Talking to other people, realizing that I'm not alone and keeping a clear head was more helpful than I would have thought it could be. I don't regret finishing it so late, since I made a few new friends in the process so that's an upside.

I asked to change my license photo. .The first one was taken when I didn't even know that I had to take a photo, dressed in old clothes and looked like a frowning grumphead who just rolled out of bed (deadly accurate) I haven't forgiven my parents for that. My new photo is weird as hell but at least it ain't ugly. (The bottom half of my hair is a completely different color from the top..but I digress)

TODAY:
Reached Taylor's at 12 pm to have lunch with Abby and two of her friends at Old Town. I only ate garlic bread and drank orange juice but it came up to RM 11.20. WHY? Why.you.so.expensive.on.a.uni.campus? Hung out with them after lunch at Starbucks. Azzari and Shern were sitting outside, right in my line of sight. They smiled and waved. So I waved back...even though I'm not sure if they were waving at me or the wall :P

Shreena, Nicholas, Wern Ni and more of my classmates showed up so I went over to say hi. Decided to go to class, said goodbye to Abby and friends, bumped into classmates in the elevator. Saw Nay sitting with Rachel, Eunice and Jasreena and we did a so-long-never-see-you hug, We got good feedback on our (last week's) group assignment :3 

I feel scared to speak up in class sometimes. Everyone's so smart and cool, I keep thinking "Oh god, Maine. Just shut up and don't embarrass yourself." Sometimes I wonder why I chose to be a Communications student. The upsides are no maths, I like the subjects and my class is great. The downside? I've always been the silent, (not violent..anymore) type and it's difficult for me to talk when I chicken out.

Anyways, I'm planning to do a journal prompt here soon. Sooooo till next time!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Maine Lyn. Chinese Malaysian. Aspiring writer, photographer and videographer.