Taking Chances

So many years has passed, and nothing's changed. Except, everything has.

Hey there!

I won't be talking much about what I've done last week because guess what? I forgot a lot about what happened -.- 

I made the Dean's List! Yay.. I'm still not sure what it's about ...... I know it's a good thing though HAHA.

What I do remember:

I went to university, even though we had an unexpected public holiday (Selangor won the Malaysian Cup *woot woot*) because Prahveen and I thought we could finish up our journalism quiz. Buttttttt...our lecturer forgot to post the questions, so we couldn't do it that day. We did start working on preparing our speeches. (Thank you for helping me find a topic! :D) We went to have lunch after that and I feel so bad because I didn't realize he was paying until after he paid, and I didn't know how to thank him. HAHA. I did thank him on Snapchat, because I felt so awkward saying it in person.

[Oh gosh, guys. I know I like to joke about it and say things like "Eh, you belanja ah? thank you thank you" BUT I'M NOT SERIOUS ABOUT IT. I don't expect you to really do it. When you do, do it, it makes me feel so guilty because I feel like I'm taking advantage of you. It also doesn't help that you don't want me to belanja you back. AIYOH CANNOT LIKE THIS WEYH. I believe in fairness, if you do a favor for someone, let them return it :P We're all friends hereeee.]

We talked while we ate about our past high school life, and compared the first semester to the second. It made me think about how making a simple decision impacts our lives. Choosing to do Communication, and choosing the August intake, meeting the people we became friends with. I'm so glad that I ended up where I did.

Took the bus back and I went home by train. I like being on the train, it's nice to listen to music and look out of the windows.

We only had one class (but I stayed back till around 3-4 pm) I said goodbye to some of my friends, and went with the mamak gang and Nelly...but we didn't go to the mamak. We went to Chic-a-licious (spelling?) I wanted to eat but I couldn't taste anything, so I chose not to. I hate eating when I can't taste the delicious goodness. I stalked Prahveen on Nelly's Snapchat and managed to take a Snap of them fistbumping without them realizing. Took a phone call that lasted for roughly 15 minutes, and we were talking about things that weren't important or urgent. HAHA. That sakai told me to "Shut up and talk." when I said I had to go. WTF HAHAHA. How do I even do that ah?

We went to the computer lab to do our visual communication tutorial...
It was so funnnnn.

The guys were sitting at the back, Wern Ni sat with me, Yi Min, Hui Ling and Lee Hui sat in front of us. I didn't know the girls were going to be there, until they showed up but yayy, they were thereee. After we finished the tutorial, Prahveen and I had to do the journalism quiz so we did. I freaked out all my classmates on Snapchat when I posted a snap saying "Why quiz why?" and had to reassure them that it was just for journalism students. 

When we were done, we went downstairs and said goodbye. I went to grab a snack at 7-11, saw Adleen, Rina and Rachel so I talked to them briefly (and got some sweets, hehe) before going off. Guess who took the wrong bus and ended up in Sunway Pyramid? I had to take the RapidKL to Subang Parade. But I'm glad I did, I got pretzels before going on the train. Mistakes that lead to food, are never mistakes :D 

Wore a green dress today, Ms. Joethi, Shern and Aiman complimented it (NOT ME THO HAHA). We were kinda sleepy and moody (and COLD) after discussing the quiz that we did the day before. Went to have lunch with Nay, Eunice and Shern. We picked on Shern A LOT. We're so evil, but it was fun. We do it because he's one of the girls, except for the fact he's a guy heheh. He was asking us how girls make friends in the washroom and saying it's weird, we were like "It's a place to socialize." HAHAHA.

Went to a classroom reserved for us to prepare our speech. I talked to Nelly, then we went outside (all the classrooms were freezing cold today) to talk to Levy and Yi Min about their speeches. Mostly, we were joking around and panicking about our speeches instead of actually practicing it (._.) 

Headed off to our next class, and I realized I couldn't talk loudly or clearly, when I tried to give my speech to a couple of my friends. I had to inform Ms. Mary, and I'll have to do my speech after the Christmas break. I can't even do my video presentation now because my voice (Thursday) is completely gone now :l

Nay and I went to change our clothes after class and bumped into Eunice in the washroom. So much squealing and laughing, we probably scared people away ._. Nay and I headed off to the mamak for something light to eat, and saw the guys there so we joined them. Quinton was tying a straw in Aiman's hair and I was looking at them like (O_O) Okay...what is going on? 

After we finished eating, we said goodbye to the guys and headed off somewhere to work on our broadcasting research. Went to the SLC after that to wait for our dance class to start with our dance friends + Eunice. Then...it was cancelled because our instructor was stuck in a jam and couldn't make it on time. I'm pretty okay with it, because I'm sick and I didn't have the energy to dance or think that day. 

We sat around talking, some started dancing (popping, locking, our recent choreography). Nay left after a while, so Eunice and I talked for the next 1-2 hours about relationships and friendships before we went home. My voice kept cracking and I had to stop talking a few times but it was a good conversation. I hugged her goodbye when she left because I won't be seeing her until after our Christmas break :( 

Saw Nelly in the hallway when I arrived on campus and we walked together to class. A couple of my friends commented on how weird my voice sounds ._. and how I looked like crap. HAHA, you guys. I'm starting to feel stressed out, I have to set aside a day or two to finish up on all the assignments + tutorials I need to do. 

Nay was talking about how some college students change (mature?) and how she's still immature in a way. I think that growing up doesn't mean you have to become serious and focused on deep issues and thoughts instead of having fun. I mean, be aware of the issues that happening in our country, the world and learn new things (be a responsible adult, yada yada..), but take a break from that every once in a while. Enjoy life by doing silly things that you won't ever stop laughing about when you reminisce about it in the future, play (harmless) pranks on people, say ridiculous things and go crazy with your friends! Nay and I also talked about how media coverage is selective and some issues (like deaths/crimes in certain parts of the world) are not shown on media...so yeah, we can talk about serious issues too :3

Nicky came back from his trip. I didn't realize how much I miss having someone to pick on in class. When we were standing around in class and talking to Levy, Adleen and Nina, he said I'm the one who bullies him. I told him that since everyone else watches out for him and manja him, I get to be the annoying sister who picks on him. HAHA. 

Nay had to go back after class, so I hugged her goodbye before she left and went to eat with the rest of the class who wanted to go for lunch (Nelly, Wern Ni, Nicky. Prahveen, Yap, Adleen) I drank Milo even though I was sick, heheh. I miss it, okay. Adleen was sitting in front of me, so we started talking about deep, personal experiences (when we discussing the topic for our presentation video) I kinda feel like we bonded a lot over that because we went through similar experiences in high school and in relationships. It really surprised me, because even though we've always been friendly with each other, I never thought we'd be (somewhat) close enough to talk about things like that. 

[I feel like I've been opening up to people more. I used to be so private about things that I went through in life (in person anyway, I rant on my blog sometimes haha) that everyone always assumed that I just breezed through life and didn't give a shit about anything.]

We talked for a really long time, I think all of us were at the mamak from 11 something am till 1 pm. I like how close our class is (well, most of us) even though there's about 30 of us in class. (Which is a lot!) I prefer the atmosphere and people in university more than in high school (even though I know a lot of amazing people there as well) because there's less drama, we're studying what we enjoy and everyone's more open minded to being close friends, hanging out, instead of sticking to their own group of friends constantly. We still have a group of people that's our main group of friends but we can combine groups and hang out with a different group if we want to. 

Went on the bus with Nicky, Nelly and Wern Ni. We ended up in Subang...

Told Nicky not to wander off and get lost when we went to the washroom.
And that's exactly what he did -_-
Lucky Wern Ni saw him in the shop or we would have left him there and gone back without him. HAHA.

I kinda want my darker hair color back.
I think it suits me more than the light red it is now :l
It's either dying it brown, waiting till the red fades or pouring pink dye all over my head.
I regret dying it red, my makeup looks off now (wayyy too dark) and I can't wear purple lipstick :l

I used Touch&Go. They wanted to buy tickets because of the student discount so I waited for them.

We stood around talking for a while. Nelly and Wern Ni's train arrived. Nelly waved at us and said goodbye. Wern Ni started to smile and waved back, then the look of realization appeared on her face and she said "Oh wait...!" and quickly ran into the train with Nelly. I was laughing so hard at her, I started coughing. Nicky and I waved at them until the train left.

We sat down and started talking about church stuff and how everyone knows everyone in Klang. Our train arrived and we went back home :3 I felt exhausted and weak, so I took a nap after eating lunch. Someone wanted to hang out today because he was bored and we haven't seen each other in a while, but I was too sick and sleepy to go out. Haihh. Damn sad. But yay, Christmas break! Planning to meet up with some friends...at least those who'll still be around.


My thoughts lately has been about how I tend to overthink things and look too far ahead when it comes to relationships (friendships too). I'm too careful (or paranoid..?) I think about what might happen, have a lot of doubt about certain issues and worry constantly about things not working out. I'm afraid of losing people and trusting them, which is stupid because the foundation of all relationships is based on trust.

A lot of my friends tell me to just stop thinking and start doing something so...okay I will (.-.) Taking chances on people is hard. Especially when you're someone like me, and can't read (or constantly misread) people's intentions and character. One thing someone said really stuck with me, (slightly paraphrased) "It's not fair to judge a person by the mistakes others have made in the past." 

What he means by that is I shouldn't assume that everyone I meet is going to hurt/disappoint me just because people have done that in the past. Yeah, disappointment and heartbreak is a part of life but it's not right to assume that everyone's only going to hurt me in the end...even if it's true. HAHA.

I think what really screwed me up, in terms of relationships, is having guys fall for me just because they find me attractive and me not realizing it until it's too late. If you want a hot girlfriend, please just fuck right off. Seriously. How can you want to be with someone you don't even know, primarily on the basis she's "hot" or "cute"? How much more shallow can you get? All it does is show me how immature you are, emotionally. This sounds perasan, I'm sorry BUT IT HAPPENS AND I HATE IT.

^ Just to clarify, since it can be misinterpreted, I don't mean guys who also intend to get to know the girl's personality. I mean guys who want trophy girlfriends.

That's why I hate it when people have crushes on me sometimes. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME. You don't know if I have a horrible temper, if I'm annoying or if I'm the type of person who just doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. Not to say that I'm anything like that, but I'm certainly not perfect. I don't shit cotton candy and fart rainbows. I'm a flawed human being, just like you.

Sometimes it's worse when people who crush on me, actually do know me. I think 85% of the time, I don't feel the same way and once I reject them, RIP persahabatan kita (sometimes). Cue me feeling guilty as hell and avoiding that person even more.

Have you ever thought about it and realize how complicated love is (in the romantic sense)?

The outline is simple:
Step 1: Finding someone you like who likes you back.
Step 2: Confessing your feelings for each other.
Step 3: Getting into a relationship. (yay, happiness!)

But then there are so many factors which affects the outcome. E.g. the person you like might not like you back. You might not like the person who likes you. Or both of you are too afraid to confess in fear of rejection. And what happens when you do get in a relationship? Maybe you won't be compatible as a couple. Maybe the timing wasn't right. Life is unpredictable, but if you don't take risks or fight for what you want, you'll never be satisfied with what you have because you'll always be wishing for what could have been.

I've had so many botched relationships or flirtation-ships, a ton of people think that I'm the reason why (I am sometimes, because of my bad judgment and not understanding what I really want) or that I just like messing with people's feelings and not really committing to anyone. THAT'S NOT TRUE. I do want a serious, long-term relationship. Why have a relationship if you don't intend for it to last? It was being in the wrong circumstances, and being with the wrong person, which resulted in everything falling apart. Most of the time, it never felt right and a part of me always knew that it wouldn't last but I tried it out anyway because hey, feelings change and everyone has doubts.

I'm sorry for the ambiguous mumbling but I needed to rant (.-.) I've been so conflicted lately. I've said everything, yet I've said nothing at all, heheh. Joy said it's obvious when something is going on, but I'm secretive about the details.. so I'm sorry if I tickled your curiosity. Just forget about it, I mumble a lot anyway.

Till next time!

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Maine Lyn. Chinese Malaysian. Aspiring writer, photographer and videographer.